问号

心里有好多好多问号。
好需要好需要有人能告诉我答案，告诉我该怎么做。
为什么脑袋能同一时间想那么多东西？
为什么心能够同一时间有那么多说不出来的感觉？
到底什么是对，什么是错？
到底什么该做， 什么不该做？
是世情复杂了，还是心境不净了？

忙，是现实中躲不掉，逃不过的字眼。
忙工作，忙上课，忙，忙，茫。。。
忙到最后，目的到底是什么？
那人生，追求的，又是什么？
心，揪了。

忙之余，是不是有更重要的东西，我们忽略了？
忙，仿佛是现代人的代名词，你若不忙，感觉像落伍了。
有一天我跟阿嬤打声招呼后，想继续‘忙’，被一句话拉住了。
‘陪阿嬤一下啦。。’，阿嬤轻道。
我才发觉，我连那么基本该做的还要别人来告诉我。

当拥有着的时候，时间久了，会慢慢忘了自己拥有着。
直到残酷的现实让人尝了失去的滋味，才恍然大悟。
有第二次机会，那就最好不过了。
但，没那么幸运的话，也许会自责或后悔一辈子。

我好害怕，好害怕失去。
我连想都不敢想。
一直觉得，他们怎么会离我而去？
有时候，会觉得很累。
我好想回到家里，过着不需要塞车的日子。
好想每天都在家里，想念了只需走几步路，敲敲门，就能看见亲爱的他们。

不管怎样，生活有它的规律。
心，要学习变得更强大。 

I..have a confession to make.

You know, human have emotions.
Unfortunately, it is not always a good thing when your mood is immediately known via your expression or tone.
I don't like to hide anything so I would just express everything out.
After that, I will be overwhelmed with guilt.
Sometimes, even anger.

What's the point of keep repeating the same mistake and then keep saying you are guilty?
This is the act of a LOSER.

I know, one day, I too will grow old.
I, will become like them, slow, confused, stubborn.
I know, I should treat them with patience, care and love.
I know I know.
But, sometimes, our perceptions are different and when they insist on doing something that we think is not proper, volume goes up to convey the message we want to pass, forgetting that their hearing are deteriorating, their intention are actually very simple, and they can be easily satisfied.

This is a long road of learning.
Time, is running. They never stop growing older, weaker.
We, play a part, to be with them.

I am sorry. I will do what I should.

Happy Holidays

I don't know what happened to me.
At times, I just feel like staying at home the whole day long.
And once in a while, I don't know which wire in the brain goes wrong, I want to go out so badly.
This normally happens on weekend.
This feeling is especially sucks when it happens during the exam period.
This feeling is sucker when everyone made a plan for outing and then cancelled them.
Leaving behind a girl feeling i-dunno-how-to-describe.

Hmm, it is raining so heavily right now.
Sometimes, I feel kind of guilty for doing nothing during the holidays.
And sometimes, I feel bad for not using the holidays to the fullest.
Thus, sometimes, I don't know what I want. (This is suckest. )

Anyway, Happy Holidays to myself. =D

终于考完试了!!
带着兴奋和迫不及待的心情回家~
可是，一进门就看见阿公眼部和额头都瘀青了。
问了阿公你做么。
很明显，是明知故问。
他，又跌到了。

唉，我忍不住，又对他大声了。
对不起。
但是，我不懂。
为什么他不要听话呢?
为什么他不要好好照顾自己?
也许，我不是他，所以，我不懂。

如果我是他，我会怎么做? 会怎么想?
这次没事，那下次呢?
他到底几时才会听话呢?
都是没答案的问号。
很想帮忙，说也说过，劝也劝过，无能为力。
希望上天保佑。

圣诞节快乐

可曾试过，什么都不想做?
只想静静地，就静静地坐着，闭上双眼......
让思绪回荡，再回荡....

尤其是在佳节期间，更是容易这样子。
读读一下，忽然发觉自己已经在发呆的状态。

生活有很多事情都是很难解释的。
就好像我不懂为什么阿公冲凉要冲上一个小时。
这时，正是尿急人士该将耐心派上用场的时候。

不管多么不想要做，我还是得这样做。
因为，没尽一百分努力的后果，不是一般的难受。

不能想象一天没有音乐的日子。
它，让情绪起伏。
它，能勾起记忆。
它，会让嘴角不自觉地往上挂 。
它，陪伴过多少个失眠的夜晚。
它，也让学习有了它更添乐趣。

二十岁的世代，是个怎么样的样子?
只知道，不能再任性。
也是个学习承担责任的年纪。
从被照顾到学习照顾，
从被劝告到学习安慰，
从爱逃避到学习面对。

告诉自己，自己已经拥有了很多很多。
就该像杰伦所说的，
努力过生活，知足最快乐。

最后，圣诞节快乐!!

Love

Time is passing so rapidly, mercilessly, leaving signs on the face of our loved ones. During weekdays I would be away from home and only come back during weekends. That is the moment I look forward to. Every time I look at them after a week, they look more tired and more wrinkles are running over their face. I do not know how to describe my feeling, just plain heart-ache.

Firstly, my lovely Dad. I understand his stress, his worries, his tiredness. Not only he needs to work outside, he also do everything himself when he is home. He said, everything and everyone is dependent on him. He seldom complains and I really hope to help. However, my help is always in vain as I am not alert enough to do what is supposed to do. Meanwhile, I did blamed when any of them in the family did not contribute and left everything to him. Anyway, this is called life. When you care too much, you get more tired.

And then my ah ma. She is much skinnier and also weaker now. Even walking can cause her running out of breath. I feel so sorry when I did not give much assistance. I am sorry when I did not wait for her to finish her sentences patiently. I am sorry when I turned away while she was being negative. I am sorry for being rude to her. I am sorry for not bringing her out often because I thought she was troubling me. I am sorry I am sorry. Recently, she keeps saying she has insomnia at night and had dreams about the deceased. She also said she has not much time left. Often time I tried to ignore yet couldn't help but feel sad at the thought of it. I assured her that she is healthy and she will not leave!

I really hope that I will always appreciate everything and everyone around me. I LOVE THEM.

Malaysian driver?

After the class finished, I went straight out from the lecture hall, to the lift, down the floors, towards my car. I walked and smiled a little when I saw my car. As I was approaching, I noticed something. Some obvious scratches on the side of my car! Red colour paint can be seen! Damn you red car driver, was all I thought. I was hoping it was not some deep scratches. Too bad, it was!

Sigh, I shouldn't have park down here. Why think that they will avoid your car when some drivers are just idiots on the road? It's my fault for parking beside the narrow road. I will never ever ever ever park there again. Mood was affected. On the way back home, my mind was all on whether the scratches can be polished and then removed. Too bad again, polish couldn't help as the scratches are too deep.

I feel like cursing the stupid driver. It seems like I am being a little overdramatic.Sigh. And then I thought of how I scratched my neighbour's car two years ago when I first got my P license. The car alarm rang and the green paint left on it. Everyone would know it was whose 'good job' as there was only one bright green car on that street. Because I was on the rush that day, I just raised my hand to my forehead which signalling 'sorry' and drove away. Although I went to apologize to uncle on the other day, now only I understand that feeling. I really appreciated his forgiveness. Maybe I should do the same thing. Good deeds can cause an impact to the other person and without knowing it becomes a cycle which passes around. The only difference is I don't know who the stupid driver is.

Phew I feel much better after pouring everything out. I guess I got to get some rest first and then fight tomorrow! Don't get me wrong. I am not going to search that person out. Just, fight for the test! Go Go Yee Wen!